I’m afraid it’s come to that moment when we need to talk about sexual health. But first, let’s just remind ourselves what sex is: when two people love each other very much they… No? Okay, then. You surely know what I’m talking about, and if you do, you’ll know how important it is to play it safe.
Cases of HIV have doubled in the last ten years, and there are now 100,000 HIV sufferers in the UK. One in Five of those are undiagnosed. Other sexually transmitted infections (STIs), including chlamydia, gonorrhoea and syphilis are on the rise.
It makes sense, therefore, to take measures to prevent it.
There are many types of contraceptives – the coil, the pill, implants etc. – which can be used to prevent pregnancy, but perhaps the most widely available, and least invasive form of contraceptive is the humble condom. They can come in either latex or lambskin, and are the most effective contraceptive for preventing the spread of STIs. Use them.
Now we’ve got that serious bit out of the way, here are some of the worst condom jokes I could find:
Encase that torch before you paint her porch
After detection sheath your erection
Before you penetrate hide your magistrate
Constrain the little head before you stick it in the shed
No glove, no love.
Don’t make a mistake, cover your snake
House your Noodle, then release your strudel
Sex is cleaner with a packaged wiener
When in doubt, shroud your sprout.
It will be sweeter if you wrap your peter
Pouch your associate then go fornicate
Cage that snake then shake and bake