Whilst Movember might be a transient dip into facial hair for many, here are some professionals who are committed to their whiskers, and as a result leave our sense of masculinity all shredded and girly.
Singer and frontman for the Bad Seeds and Grinderman. Sports a southward-stretching vintage horseshoe moustache. Bourbon stained with hints of smoke and gunpowder, begging for a complementary Stetson. Not quite redneck, but instead elegant with a sultry allure- has probably destroyed many a happy marriage.
Most Fitting Track: ‘Stagger Lee’
Eccentric musician and singer known for his satirical lyrics and unique brand of jazz-rock. A full-bodied downwards broom, approaching horseshoe, with an accompanying square of chin fuzz. Disjointed and funk-ridden, the kind of moustache that you would not take home for your mother to see.
Most Fitting Track: ‘Catholic Girls’
Delicate and slender heir to the pop-throne. And moniker whore (a.k.a Jamie Starr/ ‘Christopher’/ Alexander Nevermind/ Joey Coco/ (unpronounceable symbol)/ The Artist Formerly Known as Prince/ The Artist). Wears a slim, creeping upper-lip tickler. Though this moustache may appear meek and wiry (constituting 97% of his total body hair), it can withstand at least half an hour of protracted pouting.
Most Fitting Track: ‘Raspberry Beret’
Singer of gypsy-punk band Gogol Bordello. Though it does scream ‘Poirot’, it is immeasurably more self-aware and pervy. One could only guess at how this handlebar retains its starched grandeur, though sensible guesses would suggest profuse sweating or extensive periods of vagrancy. An astonishing moustache.
Most Fitting Track: ‘Immigrant Punk’